The Customer's Always an A**hole

i hate it when you ask a customer for their rewards card and they say “no i left it at home” or “i don’t have it”

1. 90% of the time, i have actually already seen it in your wallet that you have open in front of me to retrieve your money. don’t lie to me bitch.
2. the company that i work for puts the rewards card barcode on the back of the company credit card. you may as well let me scan the points on if you’ve got it out anyway.
3. why is your rewards card “at home”, anyway? there’s no real reason to actually take the damn thing out of your purse at all.

i just don’t understand. i use my rewards card with my groceries and odd bits and pieces, and i have heaps of points. they are redeemable for store credit, i bought a set of shelves using the points i’ve earned in one year. like, you people are idiots!

Monkey-See-Monkey-Do Customers and Ignorant Adults Who Think They’re My Boss

So my first legitimate customer service job (as really, no other one in my area was hiring at the time nor did I meet requirements they specified) was a ride op at a local theme park. That aside, I did, unfortunately, meet worse scum of the earth while operating the zone I worked at a theme park that loses an ounce of it’s luster each year, as well as accumulates shitty diapers and cigarette butts in their wave pools because of the very people they cater to. Boy am I glad I only operated the dry rides at the park!

Anyways, the basic responsibilities of the job are checking heights of children who ride the rides, securing all passengers, and also, since all the rides were guarded by steel railing that closed in the lines of people that would wait to ride, kids always tended to hop the railing. More than a few times, they’d hurt their genitalia just trying, which was fucking hilarious. So you had to make sure people didn’t invite themselves onto rides, especially if you were close to running them. Otherwise, they’d walk in the ride and get knocked flat on their asses, maybe even lose their heads (though they lost them already).

My highlights of the worst moments with customers though, I remember them by heart, and would like to share some of them. Whether or not they’re funny, or if you’d ridicule the worthless assholes, you be the judge.

1. Smokers - Now, our park had a designated smoking area; NO ONE was allowed to smoke in line while waiting to get on rides. HOWEVER, that rule was ignored, and my managers never enforced a damn thing in the park unless a customer came to them with an urgent need. So I’m operating the Yo-Yo as this poor excuse of a woman’s waiting for her kids to get off. She lights up, and it’s like the worst — I’m sorry, why would anyone burn menthol? She continues to blow smoke into my direction after I ask her politely to cease — fucking Absolem the Caterpillar’s sister here!!! Before she leaves, she pulls the classic ‘Where’s your manager?’ I say he’s in admissions, but I do not give a name nor his current whereabouts, and I go on my merry business never getting a single complaint reported to me from any manager.
2. People Who Say They Have This Or That - I managed to let some handicapped people ride, provided they weren’t pregnant, nor in a wheelchair. When I got told some kid had back problems after they got off the Yo-Yo, not even showing a hint of pain or dizziness, every frikkin person waiting to get on the ride next said ‘I’ve got arthritis,’ ‘I have halitosis,’ and shit that wasn’t even remotely an injury disabling them from riding a ride.
3. People Are So Forgetful - Let me make this clear: you lose a purse, I’m not responsible for the thug who makes off with it after finding it wedged between the cushion and backboard of the seat in the Sizzler. We have plenty of security guards on duty. You lost something, AND did not come to me first to tell me about it - you’re on your own!

Now, I’m an amateur in customer service, currently out of a job, but I had retail experience as seasonal sales associate at a shoe store over the holidays just a month ago. And, clearly all customers, even the ones who frequent our store, and it’s other locations as well, like die hard fans I shit you not, THEY NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO OUR SALES!!! Now, our store is very humble. We have clearances everyday, in fact, BOGO is everyday. Sure, after buying an expensive pair of shoes, you’re shit out of luck if you can’t pinch pennies into dollars to get yourself a second pair half off. As a sales associate, sure, I have to get used to answering your mysteries, but it’s displayed in our front window!

And I had usual peeves with this store’s customers which I’ll list below:

1. Clutter - It was my job, partially, to organize aisles, put things back where they belong, do inventory checks. More than half the time, who is to blame for unsupervised clusterfucks? Customers who will even go so far as to use fitting chairs to climb up and get something from a top shelf, which usually ended up not fitting their foot, nor their fancy much less!!! And the clutter - if a customer can’t at least put a box on a shelf, something’s wrong with them. What if they came back, and wanted that box of shoes, and some bandit decided to make off with them? If it wasn’t security tagged, they made off with it free as scotch.

Anyways, that was my incessant babble. Just more pointing out the obvious - that stupid is forever, and customers are the vessels of said stupidity.

Live long and prosper,
Spidey 

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